We're ready for our closeup now, Mr. DeMille--er, Mr. Warhol....

The frightfully overexposed
Kim K has ordinary women
dashing for a photo "finish."

Here's looking at you today, Andy Warhol, for being as prescient as you were insoucient.  Thanks to virtually everyone--or rather everyone virtually--enjoying their fifteen minutes of fame through internet and social media, makeup companies are set to reap a bonanza for product lines created only a few years ago to help actresses fight the harsh gaze of the high definition cameras, which rendered old-fashioned foundations not just useless but hideous.  Nowadays, with cellphone cameras, twitterpics and facebook photos, not to mention you tube, anybody and everybody's a star.  Here's the NY Times article:  http://tinyurl.com/c7eze9g

And speaking of Mr. Warhol, yesterday brought news of a British businessman who unknowingly bought an Warhol sketch for $5 at a Las Vegas garage sale.  The sketch is said to be worth $2 million.  http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/man-buys-warhol-sketch-for-5/

That's the world today, where both fame and infamy are only a tweet away, and whether it's PBS' Antiques Roadshow proving Aunt Edith's tacky vase a priceless treasure, or internet companies still going from idea to IPO in seconds (Groupon, anyone?), or fan fic turning the book biz 50 Shades of Green practically overnight--all the while whole industries are vanishing and middle class jobs are going the way of the dinosaur--our climate, economic and social, is partly cloudy with equal parts hope and fear. 

Fortunately, when our closeup comes, whether of tragedy or triumph, we'll be ready, with HD Healthy FX foundation, Photo Op eye shadow and Be Discovered cream blush.  Thank goodness for that.  Otherwise we might be distressed.

Resigned GSA head files suit against psychic for failing to predict that hiring said psychic as part of lavish conference would force resignation.

Just kidding, although frankly, I think the psychic owes former General Services Administration head Martha Johnson a refund.  Or I guess that would be the taxpayers, since the government picked up the tab for GSA's $823,000 "training conference," which somehow included the services of a clown, a comic and a psychic, at what has been described as an "opulent" hotel outside of Vegas. 

When men are in charge of conferences and operations gone amok, we get sexual assault, harrassment and misconduct (see Tailhook; also Minerals Management Agency).  When a woman is in charge, we get:

* More than $6,000 spent on commemorative coins in velvet boxes to celebrate the stimulus package
*More than $31,000 spent on a "networking" reception that included a $19-per-person "artisanal cheese displays"
* A $75,000 "team-building" exercise in which GSA employees....built a bicycle.
* A closing night dinner during which employees were given "yearbooks" with their photos in them, at a cost of more than $8,000

So a clown, a comic and a psychic walk into a Vegas ballroom.....

Here's the link to the NYTimes recap:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/03/us/politics/general-services-administration-chief-resigns.html?_r=1&ref=us

Now, I get it: Naked chicks need government inspection. Naked chickens not so much.

Now I see how it all balances out:  Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that police have the right to strip search virtually anyone they arrest (see post below), and today Dana Milbank writes in the Washington Post about out-of-work poultry inspectors protesting in Washington yesterday.  It seems that in order to ease those awful regulatory burdens (and save money), the Obama Agriculture Department has decreed that poultry plants may now inspect their own products--no government interference needed.

So, to recap:  Naked chicks need checking out.  Naked chickens not.

Photo is from an old WAPO story about Perdue dumping in the Chesapeake http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/daily/aug99/chicken2.htm  And here's the link to Milbank's piece:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/budget-cuts-as-back-door-deregulation/2012/04/02/gIQA4zkhrS_story.html?hpid=z3

Scalia cites unprecedented dearth of good women in prison movies as foundation for SCOTUS strip search ruling.



"Of course, it's also for the boys in blue," the Supreme Court justice added, of today's ruling that allows police to strip search virtually anyone they arrest.  "What with cops' pension and health benefits being gutted thanks to our corporations-are-people ruling unleashing the money to cripple collective bargaining, the least we could give them is a peep show any time they feel the need.

"Ida Lupino was great in 'Women in Prison,'
Scalia noted.  "But the Hayes Code meant the
women had to keep their clothes on, so naturally 
their storylines were limited.  Plus, you know, there 
was that whole Bill of Rights thing."

"But honestly what I'm really concerned with is our cultural heritage here.  No, we don't have Ida Lupino or Barbara Stanwyck anymore.  But we've got nakedness nowadays, and this ruling will open up the genre to a wealth of new motifs.  Speeding Sally.  Occupy Olivia.  Klepto Katie.  Accidentally Arrested Annie.  Believe you me, film buffs (and cops who like to see people in the buff) are gonna thank us.

"Besides, a little discipline won't hurt Americans," Scalia concluded.  "After all, it's not like we're making them buy brocoli."

"Yes," Chief Justice Roberts chimed in, his baby blues shining brightly.  "More b&d is just what this country needs  And you know, this really puts to rest the idea that the Supreme Court is stuck in the 19th century.  This ruling is just as much for the lady and gay cops as for the real men police.  I feel tingly with patriotism when I think about it."

Murphy's Brawn.

The reviews are in for the Broadway revival of Gore Vidal's 1960 political drama, The Best Man.  USA TODAY loves it http://tinyurl.com/85tyru6
 Charles Brantley in the New York Times says "meh."  http://tinyurl.com/6ntos8k  But both reviews are positive about Candice Bergen's turn as the wife of a philandering but basically decent politician challenged by a slick, unscrupulous upstart for the nomination of an unspecified political party.

In a New York Magazine interview published last week, Bergen admits to having had a stroke back in 2006 and suffering memory loss.  She also admits, "I don't look like I used to look....I just don't care enough, and in a way that's saved me."  Though the interview emphasizes a surprising frailty in Ms. Bergen, I'm betting she's a lot stronger than that.  Trying Broadway at 65 is not for the faint of heart.

Although the original play and the revival are both set in 1960, the revival has cast James Earl Jones as a former president.  I say in that same spirit, the producers should let Ms. Bergen do a round robin with lead John Laroquette so that every other night she plays "The Best Man" and he can play the long-suffering spouse.  Ms. Bergen can give her memory a workout, and Broadway will get an energized--and relevant--revival.  Photo is from the New York mag article.  Here's the link:  http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/encounter/candice-bergen-2012-4/

In the wake of mediocre remakes of perfectly fine European film and television, Americans give up fear that reading subtitles (or engaging in auto eroticism) causes blindness.





Did he or didn't he?

Ha. Ha.  April Fool's joke #2.  We know Americans aren't giving up their cherished remakes (see post below), and this week Newt Gingrich, in an effort to revive his failing campaign, cited Rick Santorum's be-spectacled appearance in his high school yearbook photo as proof that the former Pennsylvania senator was an "enthusiastic and dedicated onanist profoundly and fundamentally addicted to self-abuse."  Gingrich's supporters took to Twitter to praise their candidate's erudition.  Newt so dadgum smrt he will beat them fancy pants rt off Obama tweeted @olehickory.  Santorum's supporters denied the charges.  Rick never listened to Yoko Ono in his life tweeted @barefootandpregnantinKansas.   

Revealed: Rosie Larsen's death nothing but a fever dream of Detective Sarah Linden.

Ha. Ha.  April Fool's.  However, Mike Hale in the New York Times defends the series, sort of, by comparing it to the Danish version which is available on DVD and playable if you have a computer with a media player that can override the overseas coding.  According to Hale, it all comes down to the Danish version being 20 full  hours vs. the American's 13 forty five-minute episodes.  http://tinyurl.com/c8ehzpc