Gone Wishin.'

"So you are going on vacation?"

"Si!"

"Cote D'Azure?  The Italian Riviera?"

"Si! Or perhaps to Branson, Missouri.  Or to the Cheese State of Wisconsin.  All the cool people go to the Cheese State."
"But you will be back?"
"Si, Mio Cara!  I shall return!"

Better-looking tomatoes have less flavor.

Don't we know it, sister.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/29/science/flavor-is-the-price-of-tomatoes-scarlet-hue-geneticists-say.html?src=me&ref=general

Yesterday's News: Behold, my friends, Sharon Stone without makeup.

It is, pun intended, yesterday's news on the old Huff Po, right there next to the cute kitten videos.  http://tinyurl.com/6p6xzx7 Still, I probably should have put a PG-13 warning on this--it's so shocking when a 54-year-old actress goes out looking...54.  What would happen if we got used to seeing stuff like this?  This has to stop now.  When it comes to aging actresses, the Truth Must Not Be Out There.  http://tinyurl.com/84ekpz5

Basic Instinct 3:  Trying to stay regular without the prunes.

Forget the skinny dipping part. Scalia heading straight for Ranting Elmo post.

You cannot make me eat broccoli!

No celebrations today for El Nino. ( see post below)  Wait until those moms and tots get an earful about the evils of broccoli!

In honor of Rousseau's birthday and the last day of the SCOTUS term, Antonin Scalia will strip naked, skinny dip in the Capital reflecting pool, then head for New York City to fill in for ranting Elmo.

"I understand how it is to feel compelled to speak your mind," said the acerbic justice of the Elmo who's been scaring small children and their mommies in Central Park with his tirades.  "These lilly-livered liberals will always be getting their knickers in a twist over a few home truths.  I relish the opportunity to step into the role of ranting Elmo during our break, to give the current Elmo time to relax and recharge."

Actually, Central Park does have a bit of a problem with a ranting Elmo.  A fellow who used to run a Cambodian porn site called "Rape Camp," who bought himself an Elmo suit online and joined the City's crew of wandering, camera-ready Elmos.  Only this one likes to offer a little personal opinion along with the image.    http://tinyurl.com/bmdmbfw

And El Nino does have a bit of a ranting problem himself, and he's taking to delivering a little personal opinion to go along with the legal ones.  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/28/us/scalias-immigration-dissent-is-criticized-as-political.html?ref=politics

And it is indeed the birthday of Swiss philosopher and lover of natural man, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, born on this day in 1712.  So hey, let's all strip off and go skinny dipping today, to celebrate the Rights of Man--liberty, freedom, equality and democracy!  And, as Scalia will no doubt remind us this a.m., the right NOT to buy broccoli!

Werner Faymann, Vampire Hunter?

True story:  Austrian officials have just stopped 9.5 tons of garlic from being smuggled into the country by unnamed Hungarian nationals.  http://tinyurl.com/7fpzrek  So who would authorize such a clandestine operation, I wonder?  And then I think:  Could it be Werner Faymann, the Austrian Chancellor who just last week urged compassion toward Greek citizenry in dealing with debt?

True, over the weekend, Americans largely ignored Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, but suppose Faymann didn't....I mean there is another Euro summit tommorrow, and Angela Merkel is still insisting on longer time for "integration" even as the markets are pounding Spain....what would happen if someone garlic-bombed the whole lot tomorrow?  Who would survive?   Who would rule?

I smell a thriller shaping up.

The thing about Nora Ephron was that if she had played herself in almost any of her movies, she would have easily been the smartest, funniest and most interesting character in the film.

Her parents were Hollywood screen writers responsible for the screen adaptation of Desk Set, and while Ephron had, as her NYTimes obit notes, softened the edges when writing for the screen, it's easy to believe that whatever comes out of the Rob Marshall/Johnny Depp collaboration on The Thin Man remake will seem like mush compared to what she might have made from it. 

Ephron was even married to a man named Nick.

It was always too late for that kind of wishful thinking; however maybe someone will grant Ephron what she thought would be her dying wish, to have her play about Mary McCarthy and Lillian Hellman, 2003's Imaginery Friends, revived. 

Rick Santorum had to be hospitalized this morning after he was told that today is the anniversary of Kennedy's "I am a jelly doughnut" speech.

Ich bin Berliner, or Ich bin ein Berliner? 
Either way, Kennedy does look pretty dishy!

Kennedy's Catholic speech made Santorum "want to throw up," http://tinyurl.com/7nbq9xm and apparently when he heard that JFK had proclaimed his solidarity with German pastries on this day in 1961, it was too much for the sensitive stomach of the former presidential candidate, who had to be rushed to the emergency room.  Aides say he's convinced Kennedy was sending covert homosexual signals to Communist gays. 

On a more serious note, today is another German anniversary--on this day in 1948, the U.S. and Britain began the Berlin airlift.  When Stalin blockaded West Berlin in an attempt to force out the Allies, Truman responded not with a fight but with food, clothes, medicine and fuel.  By mid July of '48, an average of 2,500 tons of supplies were being delivered daily, in a risky operation that had planes, many of them rickety from recent war duty, landing every four minutes, round the clock, at Tempelhof airport.

Even the Soup Nazi sez
"NO SOUP FOR YOU, ANGELA!"

It might be tempting to say, Hey, Angela Merkel, we didn't worry about the moral hazard of rescuing people we'd just been to war with,  people who hadn't exactly covered themselves with glory--you know, with those gas ovens and all.  But I won't.  Oh, wait, I guess I just did.

Happy Birthday, Eric Arthur Blair!

Betcha never saw this coming, Mr. Blair!  The author of 1984 (the book, I mean, not the commercial) was born on this day in 1903. Orwell (Blair's pen name) wrote 1984 and Animal Farm in the face of the Communist juggernaut, but, as I have said before, governments today are pikers in the control game compared to corporate behomoths. http://tinyurl.com/7es62ar And just for the helluvit, here's a link to yesterday's long article about how the "Think Different" Apple Corporation thinks pretty much the same as every other corporation when it comes to paying its low-level workers, not just abroad,  but right here in the States.  Supposedly, the company is making noises about raises--all this recent publicity about their sausage-making might hurt the "brand."   http://tinyurl.com/73hzuh2

Unsafe at Any Speed.

Today, Gary Busey will mark the anniversary of the Senate passage of the 1966 landmark National Traffic and Safety Act by riding his motorcycle without his helmet on.  Ralph Nader will spend it mourning his lost youth and relevance (his book Unsafe at Any Speed prompted the law), while the Republican Party will spend the day plotting to scrap automotive safety standards.  "We're almost ready to decimate all the New Deal crap," noted a boomer-aged Republican strategist.  "Why not go after this?  Much cheaper just to show young people the old black and white highway safety films.  Those movies scared the bejesus out of everybody, and they didn't hamper the all-important job creators with excessive regulations."

"We need to go back to early sixties standards," said the strategist.
"Back then we knew fast cars and fast girls both ended up in Hell, where they belonged,"





Fox in socks.

Dagmar Herzog doesn't much care for A.N. Wilson's skinny book on Hitler, and finds his "final verdict" on Hitler to be unsatisfying.  http://tinyurl.com/6vxbmm2 Also today in the NY Times, Timothy Snyder, author of  Bloodlands:  Europe between Hitler and Stalin, reviews The Auschwitz Volunteer, the just published reports of a Polish patriot and underground member who volunteered to get into the infamous camp.  http://tinyurl.com/6r4saul  The patriot, Witold Pilecki, was executed by the Communists in 1948 and his papers suppressed.  Snyder recently reviewed The Taste of War, Lizzie Collingham's book about the relationship between food and World War II. http://tinyurl.com/7dg4anl 

The more scholars look at the sprawling subject of World War II the more they find complex factors at play.  As to the puzzle of how supposedly civilized people could be reduced to savagery, the Hitler Solution just isn't the final word any more.  So maybe the skinny on Hitler ought to be skinny.

Typecast.

On this day in 1848, Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for his typewriting machine.  Although there had been typewriters before Sholes', his machine with a QWERTY keyboard was the first to become commercially successful, opening the way for improved communications and prospects for women in the workforce. 

No more hunting and pecking, but women still chafe at the mostly male upper tier of the pecking order.  This week Anne Marie Slaughter is the latest to step into the fray, expressing surprise that her big-time job at the State Department, which had her commuting between Washington and Princeton (where her husband and two sons, 10 and 12, were living) proved too taxing.  http://tinyurl.com/6m8bph5  The article got chattering classes chattering and  affluent women all in a lather, and I don't mean with Sephora's Soap & Glory Pulp Friction Foamy Fruity Body Scrub. Here's some chattering:  http://tinyurl.com/79k62a8

On this day in 1940, Iranian filmmaker and poet Abbas Kiarostami was born in Tehran.  While Kiarostami has made more than 40 films, 2010's Certified Copy starring Juliette Binoche was the first movie he shot outside of Iran.  The film is a puzzle, about marriage, about identity, and not every critic loved it, but I thought Stephen Holden had it right when he called it a "delicious brain tickler" and "an endless hall of mirrors."  And if, as I am, you are a ginormous fan of Juliette Binoche, the movie is a must for your Netflix queue.  Here's the link to Holden's review:  http://movies.nytimes.com/2011/03/11/movies/juliette-binoche-in-kiarostamis-certified-copy-review.html

Now that Virginia Beach real estate developer Helen Dragas has seized the reins at UVA, she turns her eye to Monticello.

"This place is so 18th century," she wrote in another of her clandestine emails.  "We need to turn it into an internet cafe with tanning beds pronto.  That will bring in the revenue.  That's creative dynamism!!" http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/u-va-prof-why-governing-board-gets-an-f-for-sullivan-project/2012/06/21/gJQAX9tksV_blog.html

When Mommy and Daddy fight.

Poor Francoise has woman trouble.  He's got to negotiate new Euro terms with Angela, who's wanting more integration before the Germans write the check.  http://tinyurl.com/dxeajkz  And his paramour's endorsement of his ex-paramour's opponent in last week's election has generated trouble on the home front.  Counseling sessions ahead.  http://tinyurl.com/7etxc2u 

Royal blames Trierweiler for her loss in recent election.

Andrew Sarris is dead. Hulk sad.

Photo from NY Times.
Obit sez Sarris "wrote searchingly of that glorious deluge [New Wave et all] and the directors behind it--Francois Truffaut, Max Ophels, Jean-Luc Godard, Michelangelo Antonioni, Akira Kurasawa."

Andrew Sarris died today at 83.  It's a little bit amazing to think of a time when movies mattered so much intellectually and culturally that critics could square off over auteur theory into Sarristes and Paulettes (those following rival critic Pauline Kael).  Which isn't to say there aren't heated discussions today....over who's best, Batman or Superman, the Hulk or Iron Man, Star Trek vs. Star Wars.  And then of course, there's the almighty Bottom Line.  The weekend grosses are the biggest thing coming out of Hollywood these days, and I do mean big--if you're not a half a billion at the global BO, you're nowhere, fella.



"Hulk like Michelangelo Antonioni.  Hulk like all
Ninja Turtles!" 

 Here's the link to the New York Times obit:  http://tinyurl.com/c465hoa   Read it and weep, sigh, rant or just sit down and scramble your brains one more time with Rashomon or Blowup.  And what the hell, invite a superhero to come over and watch with you.  I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Performance-enhancing drug drawn from the backs of South American frogs have now been found in racehorses.

Forty horses from four different states have been found to have dermorphin in their blood stream.  http://tinyurl.com/cmqhp8w  No other species has been tested as yet....it could explain a lot.

I feel the earth move under my feet.

That's because on this day in 1971, Carole King, after ten years of penning songs for other artists, finally earned her own #1 single with the double-threat "It's Too Late/I Feel the Earth Move" from her album Tapestry, that really did make the earth move, breaking ground for female artists.  That same year King's pal James Taylor had a #1 hit with his cover of "You've Got a Friend," also from Tapestry.  This past spring King, now 70, released a memoir; here's the link to a USA Today review that also contains a photo slideshow.   http://tinyurl.com/clvsl8l And here's a PBS web appreciation of Tapestry and the Troubadors http://tinyurl.com/czx2pqr

Rock on, Ms. King!

The Great God Market demands human sacrifice to placate Euro crisis; Greeks suggest Brad Pitt.

"It's the least he can do after the hash his movie made of Homer," said one Greek official.  Gay rights activists, still bitter about the film's conversion of Achilles' lover Patroclus into his cousin, have voiced support for the idea.

However it is unclear whether the Great God Market will be appeased, as Spain's borrowing costs this a.m. rose to levels viewed as unsustainable, even after Greece voted yesterday to stay in the Euro.  Francoise Hollande, whose party solidified gains in this weekend's elections, wants to clamp down on regulators, speculators and credit default swaps, but the NYTimes Floyd Norris is skeptical http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/18/get-the-speculators-2/?hp

In the meantime, Pitt's agent suggested the global superstar "will not be swayed by any offense given to a cartoon character."

Leaping Lizards! On the anniversary of Watergate, let's talk nice about Nixon!

On this day in 1972, the five bumblers who had broken into the Democratic headquarters were arrested; their caper and the coverup would become known as Watergate.  Next week, however, also marks the anniversary of Title IX, and as Allen Barra notes:

Nixon did leave some legacies that may outlast the memory of Watergate. Historians have argued that he did a great deal to desegregate Southern schools; that he defied the conservatives in his party to open relations with China; and that he had a good record on the environment. Significantly, he brought women into the world of sports, through the portion of the 1972 Education Amendments better known as Title IX, whose 40th anniversary is celebrated on June 23.

And in the era of Sheldon Adelson, Bebe Rebozo seems downright quaint.  Here's the link to the Title IX appreciation:   http://tinyurl.com/7ntoxut

Drones?  Secret assassination lists? 
Federal land being hoovered up for drilling?
A President who insists that the President has the right to
classify virtually anything he decides he wants secret?
Actually, I'm not talking about Nixon.

Sowing Love Story with a few wild Oates.

In addition to being Bloomsday, today also marks the birthdays of Erich Segal, author of Love Story, and Joyce Carol Oates, author of too-much-to-even-start-naming, and so why not consider what might have happened had these two famous Ivy League-ers (he, famously, attended and taught at Harvard, and she, famously, teaches at Princeton) collaborated over Segal's 1970 pop-cultural phenomenon--the story of Oliver and Jennie, two crazy kids at Harvard (and Radcliffe) from different worlds who fall in love.  Jennie, the baker's daughter studying music, and Oliver, a pre-law "preppie" from old-line money.  Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses inheritance because of girl, boy loses girl to dread disease, boy forgives father because as girl as taught him LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

I see Oatesian potential here!

But what might have happened with JCO's inimitably cheery touch?  Jennie, sexually abused by her father, falls in love with Oliver, but because of her seriously tangled issues, begins a secret affair with Oliver Sr.  Oliver Sr. doesn't cut off his son, but when all of his financial shenanigans come to light, he is indicted and kills himself, leaving the couple penniless, whereupon in one sad and drunken escapade they rob a liquor store and accidentally shoot the clerk and a customer.  They go on the lam, but they're caught, and end up in front of Judge Julius Hoffman, still steamed at the Chicago Seven, and when they're asked if they have any last words of contrition before they're sentenced to the gas chamber, they look at each other and say....well, you know the answer to that, preppie! 

Happy Bloomsday! Let's sit down for pancakes and a talk about fair use and exploitation.

It's Bloomsday--on this day in 1904 James Joyce met his future wife Nora, and thus the day he chose for the chronological setting of Leopold Bloom's peregrinations in Ulysses, and double-thus the day for annual Bloomsday celebrations, which have been dampened of late by the litigious executor of Joyce's literary estate, Stephen Joyce, the author's grandson, who has made life miserable for Joyce lovers and Joycean scholars in particular.  This year marks the 71st year since the death of the creator of Leopold Bloom, meaning the grandson of the creator no longer holds the copyright.  So for the first time there can be public readings to mark the event, at least in the EU.  (Even in the big centennial year in 2004, Stephen Joyce threatened legal action for anyone who dared speak his grandfather's words aloud.)  Here's a link to Atlantic Wire and a discussion of copyright http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2012/06/why-bloomsday-special-year/53620/

If it ain't Wham, it ain't ham!
Louise Beavers in "Mr.
Blandings Builds his Dream
House," in which Cary
Grant very debonairely pilfers
the domestic's line for his
ad campaign.   

Which brings me in a not totally unrelated way to Aunt Jemima, and what I learned yesterday from the website Mental Floss about her place in trademark law.  Inspired by a popular minstrel song of the time, R.T. Davis Mills created the character in the late 1800s to sell their pancake mix.  They hired a former slave, Nancy Green, to portray Aunt Jemima in public appearances, including a stint making pancakes at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. America loved the idea that a mix could conjure up that wonderful time when someone "slaving away in the kitchen" really meant something--shall we call it the Swanee River Cruise effect?--and Aunt Jemima pancake mix began to sell like, well, hotcakes.  But then all sorts of Aunt Jemima products began to crop up, including an Aunt Jemima syrup, and in 1915 Davis Mills, now renamed Aunt Jemima Mills, went to court to prove ownership of the character played by a real woman who had once actually been owned.  Aunt Jemima (the company, not the character or the woman who played the character) won the suit, with lasting implications:  recently Quality Inns lost their bid to create McSleep Inns because "Mc" was deemed to be owned by McDonalds, but Hormel lost in trying to gain a trademark over internet "spam."  Here's the Mental Floss link:  http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/111340

So how shall we make our own mark today?  Somehow the bloom is off the rose for corporate pancakes....so let's stay in bed all day and emulate Molly Bloom instead--yes! yes! yes!

Vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vajayjay vajayjay vajayjay vajayjay

"We'll bring in the cardiothoracic surgeon to repair the coractation of the aorta.
And we'll need to catheterize that vajayjay."

"If she had used the Oprah-approved vajayjay, everything would have been fine," said the (male) Republican in charge of the Michigan House of Representatives of his indefinite banning of a female Democrat from the floor after she uttered the word "vagina" in expressing her opposition to Michigan's proposed new anti-abortion bill.

Anthony Comstock-approved!
Once you allow a female to refer to
her vagina aloud, she'll come to
the totally erroneous conclusion
she owns it!

Okay, actually, it may be doubtful that the term 'vajayjay' would have gone down easier in Michigan's House o' Republicans. We know "vagina" offended--as one of the male legislators actually said, "I don't even want to say it in front of women.  I would not say that in mixed company." http://tinyurl.com/d9lvsrd 

Still, the debate led me to pull out this 2007 NYTimes article tracing the evolution of the word (vajayjay not vagina) which was first suggested by the assistant to Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes when censors were offended by the actual term.  Rhimes remembers:

"Did someone say 'vagina'?/!!"

“I had written an episode during the second season of ‘Grey’s’ in which we used the word vagina a great many times (perhaps 11),” Ms. Rhimes wrote in an e-mail message. “Now, we’d once used the word penis 17 times in a single episode and no one blinked. But with vagina, the good folks at broadcast standards and practices blinked over and over and over. I think no one is comfortable experiencing the female anatomy out loud — which is a shame considering our anatomy is half the population.”

A fan of the show, Oprah heard the word and fell in love.  And no wonder, as Joel McHale explained about Talk Soup's Oprah-vajayjay clip:

“It’s not derogatory. It’s not ‘You’re being such a vajayjay right now.’ It’s kind of a sweet thing... Vajayjay...is like your good buddy.”

If only those gals in Michigan would learn their Grey's Anatomy lesson, they might not have been sent to their offices in disgrace.  (By the way, male legislators have actually gotten into fist fights and not been banned from the floor.)

Here's the link to all things vajayjay:  http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/28/fashion/28vajayjay.html?pagewanted=all

Republican spokesman points out, "When it's the United States of Adelson, we won't even have to change our initials. USA, see? Very convenient."

"Some rich guys monkey around with sports teams," Adelson said,
"but what the hell, I thought.  I'm going for a nation.  I don't believe
all that Buy American crap, but Buy America? 
That's a good deal for a guy with $25 billion to spend!"

"We'll just move to using the initials officially," the Republican spokesman continued, "the way Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC.  Mr. Adelson has indicated that will be acceptable since everyone will know who really owns the place."  http://tinyurl.com/6qmdyph

Never on a Sunday: Preparing for the big kiss-off.

Is this about the Greek vote on the Euro scheduled for Sunday?  Or the Jules Dassin 1960 movie starring Dassin and his real-life wife, Melina Mercouri, as a Greek hooker with the heart of gold and the American tourist who wants to reform her to his vision of classical Greek greatness?  And is there an apt analogy here?

Who knows, but the European Central Banker Mario Draghi sez he's ready to step to provide liquidity.  Like liquidity will be enough.  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/16/business/global/daily-euro-zone-watch.html?hp

But there's always the song from the movie:

You can kiss me on a Monday,

A Monday, a Monday is very very good. 

You can kiss me on a Tuesday

 A Tuesday, a Tuesday, in fact I wish you would.......

You must remember this.

Ilsa:  I wasn't sure you were the same.  The last time we met...
Rick:  Was the Belle Aurore.
Ilsa:  How nice.  You remembered.  But that was the day the Germans marched into Paris.
Rick: Not an easy day to forget.
Ilsa:  No.
Rick:  I remember every detail.  The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.

On this day in 1940, France fell to the Germans.  Try to mourn it glamorously.

After contentious hearing, Jeff Sessions is attacked by relatives for calling food stamp increase immoral.

After his insistence at a hearing yesterday that an increase to fundng for food stamps was "immoral," Senator Jeff Sessions was lured into a Washington alleyway and attacked by his relatives.  "How do you think poor children can enjoy a magically delicious breakfast?" Sessions' brother was heard to shout as he repeatedly pummeled the Alabama Republican.

Though Sessions began weeping and begging for mercy, his tears were met with jeering by his cousins who surrounded the pair.  "All that dough you get from big business," said one of them, "and you want to starve poor kids?  I'll give you something to cry about!"   

http://tinyurl.com/736f9rb

Even Sessions' vow to make amends by appearing on Sesame Street to cheer on the letter K was met with derison.  "Oh, stop with the KKK crap," said another relative.  "We may live in a hollow tree, but we're not stupid."

'92 in the shade.

Already it's a record hot summer. Wild fires all over the West, and now we find that for the average American family 20 years of net worth burned up in the recession http://tinyurl.com/btjarqk  So hey, it's back 20 years to the future with Southfork and the Ewing gang! 

Dallas, which went off the air in '91, began its run in 1978, when as Alessandra Stanley notes, "it was hard to find a rich person on television."  http://tinyurl.com/7ek9w7l Dallas opened the floodgates, just as the go-go 80s' luv for all things money was about to take hold.  And that luv has paid off...at least for the rich who are richer than ever.

Critics haven't been kind to the new Dallas, which is apparently all business--that is to say, all money all the time, with none of the "fun" of its excesses.  Besides which, as Stanely sez:

There is still plenty of money in Texas, but attention, and wasteful extravagance, have shifted elsewhere, to Internet moguls, billionaires, Wall Street bond traders and Russian tycoons. They are the ones buying Park Avenue mansions, basketball teams and art.

Texans used to be big hat; now they are old hat. So, unfortunately, is “Dallas.”

The sad thing is, the rest of us are also a bit worse for wear.

Happy Birthday, Miranda!

No, not that Miranda.  It's the anniversary of your Miranda rights.  On this day in 1966, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will, be used against you in court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you."

Law & Order doink doink!